


Anthropology: Extra Credit

by hannahsmetana



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 13:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahsmetana/pseuds/hannahsmetana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Professor Duncan takes the Anthro 101 class on a field trip. Four days in the wilderness with just Duncan and the Dean to supervise - what could possibly go wrong? Set after Custody Law and Eastern European Diplomacy (2x18). Canon ships only. </p>
<p>Originally posted on ff.net</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It begins.

"Good news everybody. It appears Professor Bauer intended to offer you a field trip for extra credit. It's already approved by the Board of Governors so I've spoken to the Dean and we've agreed there's no harm in a little jolly. So, if anyone is interested, it will be four days over spring break. We'll be doing a little 'practical anthropology'. Stop snickering." Duncan shot daggers at Jeff, then Pierce and finally Troy. "Field trip! Oh wait – practical anthropology, that's like penises and stuff! Hah!"

-JASPTAB-

"So, we're signing up right?" asked Annie, bouncing from the classroom.

"Four days camping with Duncan and the Dean? Sure, what could possibly go wrong in that scenario?" snarked Jeff. "Still, if it means streamlining my time in this toilet..."

"Well if I can still walk by then I'm in," remarked Shirley, indicating her swollen belly.

"I think it will be fun. We can make some mores..." Britta started.

"What? Some mores? Do you mean s'mores?"

"That's what I said, some mores."

Instantly the whole group broke into hysteria.

"Right after we have our baggels" chortled Troy...

-JASPTAB-

On the first day of spring break the study group assembled beside the small bus that stood, waiting to take them and the majority of their anthro classmates to who knew where, and stacked their luggage in the trunk. Most of the class had a reasonably sturdy backpack or similar. A few notable exceptions included an enormous shiny purple hard case on rollers, a Gucci leather holdall and a ludicrous, diamanté-encrusted pink suitcase set. Jeff courteously lifted Annie's purple case into the trunk, grimacing as he did so and grunting a little.

"Jeez, Annie, what the hell have you got in there? It feels like half a library!"

"Well I wanted to be prepared for any situation, seeing as we don't know where we're going. I've got books on mountain survival, desert survival, survival at sea and one on how to survive a zombie apocalypse. For some reason it seems like the most likely scenario..."

"Mountain survival? Have you even packed any extra clothing?"

"..." Annie flapped her mouth, unable to come up with a response that would make her appear any less foolish. Jeff rolled his eyes and turned away, straight into the welcome arms of the Dean.

" _There_ you are, Jeffrey! I'm _sooo_ excited about this little trip. I don't suppose you'd care to help me load my stuff – I guess I got a little carried away..." he gestured vaguely towards the rhinestone encrusted three-set, his other hand inevitably coming to rest on Jeff's chest.

Jeff hurriedly backed up, allowing him to survey the Dean's latest outfit – a tight Boy Scout Master's number with – Jeff blanched – leather shorts and a very revealing shirt. Shoving the Dean to one side, Jeff made his way onto the bus, making a bee line for the back seat. Behind him the Dean crumpled slightly, before perking up as he spied Troy and Abed fooling around in high spirits and approached to seek out alternative male assistance. He noticed that neither of them appeared to have shaved and as he approached he could hear Abed muttering, "of course we're not actually flying so we can't really crash onto an island but I think we can make it work. I just can't figure out if Jeff is Sawyer or Jack. Or who should be Kate..."

-JASPTAB-

The journey was fairly uneventful. Apart from Troy and Abed's twinky fuelled mania, during which they re-enacted scenes from several shows and movies, including Lost, Alive, Lord of the Flies (and on a slight tangent, Lord of the Rings), Raiders of the Lost Ark and Jurassic Park. Jeff and Britta meanwhile enjoyed a barbed exchange about s'mores. The other three study group members tried to ignore both Trobed's antics and Jeff and Britta's sniping match by discussing what may be in store for them on arrival.

"We'll probably have to observe a load of Reds making poker chips. I hope there's a casino." offered Pierce.

"Pierce!" Annie gasped, looking affronted. Jeff and Britta stopped arguing long enough for Jeff to check his watch and grudgingly hand a bill over to a smug Britta, before picking up again as if nothing had happened.

Things eventually quietened down on the bus, with even Troy and Abed reclining into their seats, looking thoughtful and occasionally giggling. A short while later the Dean made his way up to Starburns and quietly insisted he wait until after the bus journey before smoking his 'exotic cigarettes'. Another short while later the bus pulled over into a road side diner as every single member of the class unanimously announced their sudden and insatiable hunger.

Finally the bus stopped at their destination. Disembarking, the class looked around. They appeared to be in a pine forest. Other than trees, sky and mountains there was little to see apart from a dirt path leading deeper into the forest.

Somewhat apprehensively the class gathered their luggage before huddling protectively beside the bus. This didn't last long; as soon as the last bag was removed from the trunk (the Dean almost toppling over under his three cases) the bus backed up along the narrow road before turning and leaving them.

"Right, this looks like the place," exclaimed Duncan brightly before striding up the track.

Abed and Troy excitedly exchanged their handshake before hastening after him. The rest of the class fell in line and started to trudge behind, leaving Jeff, Pierce and Britta with the struggling Dean. Britta turned to Jeff, expecting some witty yet biting remark about being stranded in the middle of nowhere but was concerned to see him standing with his mouth slightly agape, staring in the direction in which the bus had disappeared, his Blackberry hanging limply in his hand.

"Doesn't look like there's gonna be a casino," Pierce muttered before grabbing the smallest of the Dean's cases and following the rest of the class.

"Jeff?" Britta asked, nudging him when he continued to gawp after their transport.

"He left us." Jeff squeaked, before repeating in a louder voice, "He left us!"

"Er yeah. He wasn't exactly gonna park up for 4 days, was he? What's the big deal – worried you'll miss a butt wax?"

"I have no signal. Did you see how far we drove? When was the last town? How far? HOW FAR! Ow!" Jeff broke off and rubbed his cheek while Britta shook the sting from her hand. "Thanks," he scowled.

"Erm, guys? Would you, maybe, erm, help little ol' me out?" Jeff whirled around to see the Dean heaving uselessly on the handles of his two remaining cases. Flushing slightly he strode forward, grabbing the larger of the two bags from the little man before striding off along the path. The Dean gasped as Jeff brushed past him and tottered for a moment before swooning backwards, only to be caught by Britta. He fluttered his eyelashes at her for a millisecond before a look of annoyance crossed his brow.

"Thank you _Britta_ ," he snapped, before flouncing off, dragging his case behind him. Shrugging, Britta looked around and confirmed she was the last one before following the others.

-JASPTAB-

After about a mile and half - a distance that left a number of the class wheezing, and Shirley muttering about the mistreatment of pregnant women - the path opened up to reveal a clearing in front of a large lake. In the middle of the lake was a wooded island, joined to the clearing by a rickety looking walkway. Abed and Troy looked at each other with undisguised glee and immediately huddled into plan formulation mode. Duncan motioned for them all to follow before venturing onto the walkway. As one the class hung back, ascertaining that their Professor was not about to fall through the dubious looking boards before chancing their own lives on the rickety construction. When he was about 10 yards along Duncan noticed he was alone.

"Come on, you yellow Yankee bastards," he swore, before resuming his crossing. Reluctantly the class followed, stringing out along the walkway. "This would be the perfect time for an ambush," remarked Abed casually, upon which the group perceptibly bunched up. This resulted in a lot of jostling and name calling when Duncan unexpectedly stopped at the end of the walkway. Pierce ended up windmilling wildly before Shirley hauled him to safety. Peering cautiously around each other the class were a little concerned to note that the reason for their halting was a chainlink gate stretched across the top of the walkway. More of a concern was the fact that the entire island appeared to be encircled by chainlink fence, all the more ominous for the barbed wire on top.

"What's in there?" breathed Annie.

"Or what's out here?" commented Chang, grinning cheerfully.

Further speculation was cut off as Duncan fished a key from his pocket and undid the padlock holding the gate closed.

"And voila," he said, pushing the gate open with a flourish. No one moved. "Fine," sighed Duncan, and stepped through the gate. Following a short path the group emerged, unusually quiet, into another clearing. A small shack occupied the far side but otherwise it was empty.

"Right," said Duncan authoritatively. "This is where we get anthropological. According to Professor Bauer's proposal you will be split into two groups, male and female. There are two camps on the island, one to the north and one to the south. Each group requires an impartial observer who will, well, observe. This person should not interact with the group in any way that will influence the actions of the group. You are to observe from within the group in order to keep a more objective view point. Volunteers?"

Instantly Annie's hand shot up. Hers was the only one. "Very well, Miss Edison will observe the girls. Gentleman, you need to decide on a volunteer." The men in the class looked blankly around.

"There's really only one person who can do this," Jeff finally said. "Abed?"

"I accept,"Abed replied. "I brought my camera anyway so it will be a good chance to practice my documentary skills again." With that he rummaged quickly in his bag and pulled out his camera. "The first decision the group must make is who will be their leader. Will they value wisdom?" here he pushed his camera into Pierce's face, "or agility?", the camera moved over Troy, who gave a little thumbs up, "or will the group bow to the natural way of things and accept a born leader?" here Abed turned to Jeff, who straightened his back slightly.

"What are you doing?" asked Duncan.

"I'm observing." explained Abed.

"Maybe you should add the commentary later. It's a bit like...spoilers" said Duncan, in a flash of inspiration.

"Interesting," mused Abed, and fell largely quiet, muttering into the microphone only occasionally.

"Right, so, as David Attenborough correctly pointed out, you do need a group leader. Professor Bauer was quite strict on this one. Following the example of the Maku-Maku the eldest member of each group is the leader. So in this case that will be Mr Hawthorne," Pierce looked about smugly, preening, "and Miss Perry."

"What?" exclaimed Britta angrily.

"I looked at the records Miss Perry. You are definitely the oldest female in the class. August 1980, yes?"

"Well, yeah. But what about..."

"Me?" asked Shirley dangerously. "You assuming that just cos I made the life choice to have children that I gotta be older than you? Next you'll be saying how I must be a wonderful gospel singer and great cook just cos I'm a black woman. It's people like you that are the problem in this society!"

Britta flapped her mouth uselessly, willing herself not to point out the flaws in Shirley's statement.

"'Sides, my birthday is September," Shirley finished.

"So, now that's cleared settled, I'll leave you to it." said Duncan.

"What? That's it? What are we supposed to do now? Where do we go? Where are the showers?" demanded Jeff.

"I'll handle this Jeff," said Pierce importantly. Turning to Duncan he asked, "What are we supposed to do now? Where do we go? Where are the showers? Showers? Screw the showers! Where do we eat?"

"When you arrive at your camp you will find you have been provided with supplies for the duration. Basic sanitary facilities have also been provided. As to what you do now? Well that's really what this is all about. Call it experimental anthropology, if you will. Should any sort of emergency arise me and the Dean will be camped here in the central clearing. Running out of hair gel is not an emergency," finished Duncan, glancing at Jeff before picking up his backpack and one of the Dean's cases and moving towards the shack.

"I call dibs on the north camp" said Pierce, before turning south and striding off. "Come on men!"

"This is gonna be great," said Jeff, gritting his teeth before following Pierce with the other men, Abed scampering around trying to get the most evocative shot.

Britta shrugged and turned north, the other women falling in around her, Annie walking a few paces behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It continues.

The women reached their camp in a leisurely fashion, as a group matching the pace of their slowest member (Shirley – heavily pregnant). "Whoooo, well this is... nice?"

The group looked up to see that the camp consisted of four large tepee style tents and a couple of sturdy but small sheds, each with a heavy bolt on the front. Exploration of the sheds revealed one to be stocked with basic foods - sacks of rice and a multitude of tins, and cooking equipment, and the other housed what had to be the bedding – a pile of threadbare sheets and itchy looking blankets, as well as some lumpy pillows. Three of the tents contained four beds apiece, while the fourth had a larger bed and an ornate chair.

"Brit-ta, I think this one is meant for you-hu", lilted Shirley, "You know, because you're the chief."

"What! I don't need special privileges, I have no more right than anyone else to this tent. To suggest otherwise seriously undermines..." as one the other women groaned loudly and hurriedly went to claim a bed in one of the other tents, leaving Britta with no option but to take the large tent. Sighing resignedly she threw her bedding on the chair and slumped onto the lumpy mattress.

-JASPTAB-

On the other side of the island the men were still disconsolately following Pierce as he stumbled through the woods in search of the other campsite. Jeff, unable to text without any service, was forced to pay more attention than usual to his surroundings and was having a hard time keeping his comments to himself.

"Pierce, why don't we just go back to the path and continue to follow it?" A mumble of assent could be heard amongst the trudging men.

"I happen to have an impeccable sense of direction – something you youngsters wouldn't understand with your stattellite navigation devices and your fancy flibbadeejibbets."

"Whatever, I'm gonna go back. Anyone wants to join me in actually walking in the _right_ direction is more than welcome," Jeff said, before turning sharply on his heels. A number of the younger members of the class, including Fat Neil and Troy, cautiously eyed Pierce before following Jeff. Pierce huffed and muttered something about youths and homosexuals, vaguely waving his hand towards the retreating group before turning back to face the impenetrable undergrowth blocking his path. His group of followers now consisted of Chang, Starburns and some of his druggy friends and an unlikely bunch of jocks. Abed was stood at the back with his camera, muttering desperately about factions and rifts, and doing a fantastic impression of someone trying to split themselves down the middle. Eventually he seemed to come to a decision and turned his focus, and his camera, to Pierce.

-JASPTAB-

Hours later Abed ran from the bushes behind the boys camp, startling Troy who was happily constructing a campfire in the centre.

"Abed! I thought you were a bigfoot. Or a polar bear. Or a black smoke beast. Or a pig. Wait – is that racist?"

Abed shook his head before turning and focussing his camera on a particularly thick clump of foliage. Moments later the shrubs began to shiver and shake - causing Troy to sidle behind Abed - before parting to reveal Pierce, looking hugely dishevelled with twigs and leaves sticking out of his remaining hair and sweat and mud smearing his features. His sorry entourage followed him into the camp, which mirrored the camp on the other side of the island.

At that moment Jeff strolled out from the store shed. Abed hastily ran back to a position where he could easily pan between Jeff and Pierce. "I thought we were gonna have to send a search party," said Jeff, looking completely unconcerned.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Winger. We were just checking out the surrounding area for any potential risks. Wouldn't want you ladies to feel threatened out here in the scary wilderness."

"Yes. Thank God. After that entrance nothing that stumbles into the camp will be a terrifying as what we just witnessed." This last comment attracted a chorus of titters from the group that had followed Jeff to the camp.

Frowning, Pierce approached Jeff and muttered to him, "Jeff, can I speak to you in private?"

"Sure - why don't we go to your tent," said Jeff, striding towards the largest tent.

Dropping his bag on the bed, Pierce turned to Jeff. "Jeffrey, I realise we don't always see eye to eye, but the fact is that we're very alike, you and I. That's why I want you to be my right hand man. The younger men respect you, probably because they fancy you, and I could use that to help me lead the tribe. What do you say?" Pierce smiled in what Jeff assumed he thought was an ingratiating way but frankly came off more like the creepy uncle you try to avoid at your Mom's birthday party.

"Ok, firstly, we are nothing alike. Secondly, the laws of the 'tribe' clearly indicate that age is valued above beauty, wisdom and the ability to not mess up every situation imaginable. That means that Chang should be your 'right hand man'. And then starBurns. Then me. Sadly I don't make the rules. Otherwise we wouldn't be half an hour from the women and all prospect of intelligent conversation. And thirdly, we are _nothing_ alike. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go make sure Troy hasn't tried to eat a pine cone. Seriously. You'd think living in Colorado he'd know they aren't 'spiky peanuts' by now." With that Jeff turned and stalked out of the tent. Pierce sat heavily on his chair, but looked up at the sight of Chang sidling into the tent.

"So Winger burned you hey? You knew he wouldn't agree. He thinks he's so much cooler than you. Well you don't need him. You wait and see. Pretty soon Jeff Winger will realise that he needs you, and that he can't just throw you out of his life when he sees fit! With me by your side Mr Winger will have no choice but Chang the way he treats people...forever!"

-JASPTAB-

Britta looked forlornly around at the circle of expectant faces.

"You guys don't have to ask me what to do! I'm not any better or different than you. If you wanna go explore or whatever, go for it. Don't wait for me to tell you what to do. You're free-thinking individuals."

The only movement was Annie's pen across her notebook. Hesitantly one of Britta's former fans raised her hand. Britta turned to her.

"You don't have to raise your hand. I'm not a teacher or anything. Anyone can talk to me, or whoever, whenever they want."

The girl - woman, Britta corrected herself - lowered her arm and asked, "So who's in charge of cooking? Or getting firewood? Or guard duty?"

"Guard duty? Who or what would we need guarding against? And I don't know - if you're hungry, eat. Or whatever."

"But what do we..." The question was cut of by Britta's shriek.

"STOP IT! I don't know, I don't care. Do what you want - I can't do this anymore!" she screamed, before bolting into the surrounding woodland.

"Erm, sweetie, how about you you go find some firewood with Tracy and Alison," Shirley said into the pregnant silence that followed Britta's sudden departure. The three girls Shirley indicated nodded and wandered into the foliage as Shirley began to allocate tasks to the other women, her voice and stance becoming more confident and authoritative with each second. Annie looked briefly after Britta, her face troubled, before returning to her notes.

-JASPTAB-


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up.

Jeff jogged into camp early in the morning having just completed a lengthy run. As he made his way to the rudimentary wash block he was intercepted by Chang stepping into his path. Jeff made an effort to be civil to Chang, having thrown him out of his apartment only a week or so ago.

"Chang, I'm on my way to have a wash and I don't need any help from you."

"What you up to Winger? Disappearing into the woods and coming back all sweaty? Anyone would think you're up to something," said Chang, stroking his invisible beard.

"I went for a run. Like I did every morning when you were crashing at my apartment. Just because we're in the middle of nowhere I'm not gonna let this perfect body fall by the wayside."

"Hmmm. Very well, carry on. But I've got my eyes on you Winger."

"Whatever," Jeff rolled his eyes as Chang stepped out of his path, waving him past imperiously.

-JASPTAB-

The women's camp was having a relaxing morning. Other than those allocated to housekeeping tasks by Shirley the group were enjoying a bonding session. Currently they were bonding over Britta's continued absence.

"I think we should probably try to find her," said Britta's former groupie, Alison. "She didn't eat anything and she was gone all night. She might be lost."

Behind her Annie's eye swelled to Disney proportions and she nodded vigorously, silently beseeching Shirley to agree.

"Lord knows, if anyone was gonna get lost on this trip, it's gonna be Britta. Or maybe Pierce. Or Starburns. Hmmm. Actually, maybe guard duty wasn't such a bad idea..." Shirley mumbled thoughtfully, before asking brightly, "Ok, so who wants to vol-un-te-er for a search party? I'd go but in my current condition I'd just slow y'all down." Shirley stared around the group. Strangely enough everyone who met her gaze found their hand inexplicably raising. "Oh, that's nice! Ok, well maybe, Ali-son, you could lead one group, Tra-cy, you can lead another. Meet back here about midday, unless of course you find Britta first."

-JASPTAB-

"So you're telling me that there are people in the world who have never even seen Star Wars? Man we gotta do something, set up some sort of government programme or something. There's gotta be charities for this sort of thing." Troy's brow (and brain) wrinkled at the enormity of this new discovery. Jeff gave him an amused smirk. Without the girls around and what with Abed darting about the camp 'observing' everything he and Troy were spending an unprecedented amount of time together. Surprisingly they were getting on really well. Without his phone to distract him Jeff was having to take conversation to an actual level, and Troy was just about the easiest person in the work to talk to. He'd literally talk about anything. By which Jeff meant that he would talk about something and Troy would latch onto just one word or phrase and follow the tangent through to it's conclusion. But it was easy conversation, and it beat the hell out of Pierce's repeated invitations to go sit in his Chief's Tent. Throughout the day a number of the other men had joined them so that now about half of the men lounged lazily around the campfire, making idle chit chat and laughing loudly at each other's jokes.

In his tent Pierce sat on his throne, attended to by Chang, who was currently fanning him with a pine branch.

"Listen to them? Why aren't they in here laughing with me? What have I done to alienate myself from them?"

"You want to know why they're out there? Two words: Jeff Winger. I bet even now he's planning a coup. He wants to be the leader - didn't you see his face when Duncan said you were the chief? Oh man, he looked Changry."

"Why do they keep laughing? Are they laughing at me? They think I'm just some doddering old schluck, don't they? Ah, who am I kidding, They don't want to hang out with me when there are Jeff Winger's in the world. I just wish I could be cool again."

"Hey man, you are cool. I'm hanging out with you, aren't I? Those kids are just following Jeff because he thinks he's so much better than everyone else. You know he actually has one of those machines to do ab-crunches in his doorway. Loooo-ser! You just gotta put Jeff Winger in his place before he decides it's time he takes your place. Make the first move, man. Strike the iron while it's still warming up! Let's show him that Pierce Hawthorne isn't just a sad old man with a bald patch that grows daily and a pot belly."

"Hey!"

"Those were Jeff's thoughts. You know, we lived together (until he threw me out like some worthless...)"

"Jeff thinks that? Hmmm, maybe I should put him down a peg or two. Show him that he can't just lord it around like he's better than me. Tell me what we should do."

-JASPTAB-

While the search parties were out Shirley started to prepare a stew for the camp's dinner. Knowing that some of the girls were vegetarian she thoughtfully divided it into two vessels, one with meat, one without. She was enjoying herself. While she was a little worried about Britta, she couldn't help but think that she was probably a better leader. If it had been down to Britta they would all be eating pine cones by now. A sudden movement distracted her as out of the bushes, looking pretty dishevelled and bug eyed, stumbled Britta. Immediately Shirley approached her.

"Brit-ta, honey, are you okay? We were worried about you."

Britta blinked at her distractedly. "Shirley? Are you my spirit guide?"

"No, sweetie. Here, have some stew. You seem a little out of sorts..."

Shirkey sat her down with a bowl of the casserole and absently teased bits of foliage from Britta's wayward hair. Britta ate the stew in silence before standing and returning the bowl to Shirley. She started to walk away, before Shirley called to her, "Er, Britta, where are you going sweetie?"

Britta turned back and looked deep into Shirley's eyes. "It's out there. I know it. I have to find it." she said simply, before walking from the camp.

"I hope she's talking about the Lord," Shirley muttered, watching her with some concern.

-JASPTAB-

That evening the men sat around the campfire having just eaten what could probably called a meal. Having discovered a variety of foods, each of them had picked a preferred choice, only to discover that there weren't enough cooking pots. Pierce's solution had been to stick everyone's meal into one pot and cook up a mix of rice and pasta in the other. He had directed Starburns to do the actual cooking, forgetting that he had officially made recreational drugs legal in an attempt to win over the hippy vote. Starburns had celebrated by enjoying more than his usual share of highs with his friends and so the food was forgotten about. The result was a molten mess accompanied by a starchy mush.

"Well, that was _great_ ," moaned Jeff. He was in a particularly bad mood because the stew, or whatever it was, was so bad that he'd been forced to eat some of the carby mush, thereby putting his exquisite body as risk of unsightly bulges. "Next time, Pierce, why don't you just shovel some dirt down our throats."

"Hey, I delegated the responsibility of preparing dinner to Starburns. If you want to blame someone, blame him."

"Hah! Spoken like the true leader you are Pierce. Well done. I'm going to do some crunches before that gloop settles for good. And then I'm going to bed. Goodnight, gentlemen."

As Jeff stalked away a number of the younger men also made moves to leave.

"Where are you going? We haven't even begun our sausage fest yet?" asked Pierce.

"Bed," "Sleep," and "To catch the news," were just some of the mumbled replies Pierce caught as the group broke apart. Soon the only people around the fire were Pierce, Chang, a couple of Jocks and Starburns and his hippy friends, though possibly they were only there by default of having passed out before getting anywhere else. Pierce poked the fire viciously until Chang leaned in towards him and started speaking in a low voice. In response Pierce raised his eyebrows and grinned mirthlessly.

-JASPTAB-

In the girls camp the evening meal had been much more successful. Shirley had called off the search for Britta in light of her afternoon visit. She felt reassured that she had been able to feed Britta the stew - at least she knew she wouldn't starve. And she obviously knew where the camp was, so all in all maybe it was just best to leave her to figure out whatever it was she was trying to resolve.

As the women prepared themselves for sleep, Annie went over her notes. She had been present when Shirley briefed the group about Britta's visit, and Annie was sure that the motherly woman had been addressing her directly when she said that she thought that Britta was best left to her own devices. Somewhat reassured by this Annie had busied herself chronicling the interactions of the group. However, when volunteering she hadn't realised how isolated she would feel. She supposed that technically she could interact with the group, but what if her grade depended on her remaining completely impartial? It wasn't something she could risk.

Sighing, Annie put her clothes into her enormous purple case. It turned out the case was pretty impractical. Not only did it contain barely anything other than books, most of which turned out to be irrelevant (and thank goodness it was unseasonably warm at the minute - Jeff had been right about the lack of extra clothing), but it was also so big she couldn't stow it anywhere. She had to make do with laying it down beside her camp bed rather than stowing it underneath as everyone else has done with their backpacks. The untidiness annoyed her but without any alternative all she could do was grin and bear it. She would definitely be investing in a backpack before the next field trip...

-JASPTAB-

"Winnnng-er. Winng-er. WINGER!"

Jeff started awake. He had been deeply asleep and was puzzled by the rude awakening. Blearily he opened his eyes, only to screw them shut again as someone shone a torch directly into his face.

"Urgh! What-?" he mumbled, before being prodded by what felt like a foot in the side.

"Get up Winger! You're wanted."

"Chang? What the hell? What time is it?" Jeff raised his hand to block the glaring torchlight and could just about make out the silhouette of the little man holding it. Behind lurked a couple of others, though Jeff couldn't make out their features enough to recognise them.

"Up Jeff! The big man wants to see you. And he don't like to be kept waiting, nah-ah."

"Seriously? Tell Pierce I'll see him in the morning, at a civilised hour."

"What's going on?" asked Neil sleepily from one of the other beds.

"Nothing for you to stick your fat nose in!" snapped Chang. "Winger, I am not asking. GET UP!"

"Ugh, fine. Clearly none of us are gonna get any sleep until Pierce has had his games." Jeff threw aside his covers, revealing his bare chest. Despite the fact he was wearing only thin cotton pyjama pants, the warmth of the night caused his well sculpted pecs to glisten slightly in the torchlight. Slipping on his shoes he moved to follow Chang from the tent. Chang's two cohorts - Jeff could see now they were a couple of the jocks - fell in behind him. Brad and Chad was what he christened them in his head. It might even have been their names. All Jeff knew about them is that they were the sort of bone-headed douche balls he made an effort to avoid.

Jeff rolled his eyes as he entered Pierce's tent. The lights had been set such that Pierce's face was sinisterly highlighted, but deep shadow hid his eyes. Still, it did pretty amazing things for Jeff's naked torso too, so there was some merit to be had. Abed was discretely tucked into a corner, camera glued to his eye. Chang crossed the floor to stand by Pierce in his chair while Brad and Chad flanked Jeff. Jeff crossed his arms and glared at the older man, raising one eyebrow questioningly.

"Jeffrey. I thought it only fair to give you one last opportunity to join me. You know, we really could be something together, with my brains and charisma, and your, well... we could really make this society great. Join me Jeffrey, and we'll rule the world together."

"I imagine that sounded less creepy and insane in your head. Thanks Pierce, but no. I don't care about your silly schemes for domination of this "world". All I'm here for is the easy credit for anthro. And frankly this is sooo not worth the effort. So if it's all the same to you I'm going to go back to my bed and pretend this ludicrous escapade never happened."

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that Jeffrey. You see, you and I both know what happens next. You swan about the camp with your gaggle of followers and then you think, "Hey, why should Pierce have all the glory? Why should he be the awesome dude who gets to run things? Why shouldn't I be chief?" Because we both know that you can't stand to see me in charge. You think I don't hear you joking about me with those other guys? I heard you laughing Jeff! And I will not allow you or anyone else to usurp me! Grab him!"

Suddenly Jeff's armed were seized tightly by Brad and Chad. Unfortunately, the fact they were bone-headed douche balls didn't change the fact they were both extremely fit, with arms that dwarfed even Jeff's.

"Pierce! Are you on pills again? I'm not trying to usurp you! Why would I want to be in charge? That would be way more effort than I'm willing to put into anything, especially some crappy field trip. And we weren't laughing at you. Abed, tell him."

"Sorry Jeff. I'm just a fly on the wall. I can neither affect nor be affected by the situation."

"Gee, thanks Radar," muttered Jeff, pulling futilely against Brad and Chad's iron like grip.

"Face it Winger, you blew this one," chuckled Chang. "Take him to the Traitor's Hole. We'll make sure no one else has any ideas about superiority. Prepare to be made an example of, Winger!"

The Traitor's Hole turned out to be the now empty bedding store. Jeff was firmly held by the two enormous jocks as Chang tied his hands behind him, and then secured him to the shelving racks that lined the wall.

"Chang, this is insane, even by your standards. What are you hoping to achieve? Or is this about me kicking you out? News flash! Anyone in their right mind would have kicked you out. In fact, I don't even know why I let you stay as long as I did. And you repay me by tying me in a shed? Way to show gratitude, Ben," spat Jeff angrily.

"Jeff, you still don't get it do you? I am loco-coco. And if I want to hold a grudge then, man! You better be prepared for the grudgiest grudge holding ever! I am El Tigre Chino baby! And you are _mine_."

With that Chang and the douche balls exited the shed, shutting and bolting the door behind them. The last thing Jeff saw before being cloaked in darkness was the moonlight flare on Abed's camera lense as the door closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must have been drunk when I wrote this. I forgot most of what happened. And I laughed at some of the jokes as if I'd never seen them before. Is this what schizophrenia is like? At least I won't get lonely in the shower...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things. Not all the things. Things.

Jeff slumped against the racks. He had long since given up trying to loosen the ropes binding him and was futilely attempting to get some sleep. However sleep seemed impossible to come to, as his butt was numb from sitting on the floor and the night had turned a little cooler. Without a shirt all he could do was shiver. Jeff had no concept of how long he had been in the shed. With no windows he couldn't see if the sky was lightening and he had heard nothing since Chang and the douchey jocks had departed. He could hear something now though. It sounded like someone outside was slowly drawing back the bolts. Jeff held his breath, desperately hoping that whoever was coming in was interested in helping him.

The door inched open. A silhouetted head peeked in before the person stepped into the shed. As they approached Jeff was deeply relieved to see that it was Troy.

"Jeff!" he whispered, "I'm breaking you out! Like Indiana Jones and Marion. Except I'm not gonna leave you tied up. Or kiss you. So I'm better than Indy!" he grinned excitedly, before leaning over to untie Jeff. It didn't take him very long. He had gotten pretty good at knots in sailing class.

Jeff rubbed his wrists before stiffly getting to his feet. "I don't suppose you brought a shirt?" he asked hopefully. Troy shook his head. "Never mind. Let's go, we should be able to stay with the girls once we explain what happened," he whispered, peering around the door and checking for any signs of life.

"I - I can't come," replied Troy, looking glum.

"What! You realise Pierce is crazy right? He thinks I was trying to usurp him. And Chang! There's no telling what he's gonna do..."

"I can't leave Abed. He won't leave the camp because he needs to observe. And he doesn't know how to look after himself. He'll forget to eat if I don't bring him food. You know he nearly starved when he was doing Pierce's freak out documentary. But you need to go. I don't know what Chang is up to but it probably wasn't gonna be fun for you. You should get out of here. I'll loosen the bolts so it looks like you escaped by yourself. Go!"

"Troy... thank you," Jeff said sincerely, offering Troy a fist bump, which was joyfully accepted, before slipping off into the night.

-JASPTAB-

The Dean sighed as he listened to Duncan's snores. Finally accepting he wasn't going to get any sleep he got up and poured himself another margarita. It turned out the psychology professor had a surprisingly comprehensive bar in his suitcase. The Dean walked over to the window and stood, broodingly. Naturally his thoughts turned to Jeff. Craig liked to imagine that Jeff sometimes thought about him too. He swallowed down his drink and carelessly dropped the glass on the couch behind him while staring out the window, imagining Jeff imagining him. He froze and squinted as a figure emerged into the clearing. A tall figure. Without a shirt and... so... very... ripped... Craig pinched himself - nope, this wasn't a dream. Jeff Winger was jogging half naked across the clearing. Craig gasped, grabbed the windowsill and exclaimed, "ah-urg," before swooning and collapsing to the ground.

-JASPTAB-

Oblivious of his affect on casual observers, Jeff slowed as he approached the girls camp. He figured that he'd just go find Britta and explain why he had to flee the men's camp. She'd be cool with it as they were, well, doing whatever it was they were doing. Maybe they could even do some more. He grinned wryly. Quietly he made his way to the large tent, having immediately recognised the layout from the men's camp. However, as he peered inside, whispering. "Britta..." he could see that the bed was still made and very obviously empty. Frowning, he thought for a second. It was possible Britta had elected to sleep in the tents with the other women. If not then he had no idea where she might be, but at least he could find Annie or Shirley.

Stealthily Jeff made his way to the nearest of the sleeping quarters. Peering inside he could just about make out the sleeping forms of four women. Allowing his eyes a moment to accustom to the darker interior of the tent, he was able to make out Shirley's distinctive hair in one of the farther beds. The chances were Annie and possibly Britta were also in this tent then. However, it was nearly impossible to distinguish who the other sleepers were.

Treading softly, Jeff decided to approach the nearest bed to him, adjacent to Shirley's and see who it contained. Unfortunately the low light prevented him from seeing that a large, purple suitcase obstructed his path. As he stepped forward Jeff tripped on the luggage, his arms flailing in front of him. Luckily he landed on something soft: the bed and it's occupant. Grunting as he landed, Jeff's outstretched hands found purchase on something warm and pliable. However, before he could contemplate his situation an unearthly shriek filled the air. Startled, Jeff also cried out.

Shirley jolted awake and pulled out the flashlight she'd placed under her pillow as a precaution, or a weapon. It didn't pay to be complacent, especially in the wilderness with feral men in the vicinity. Flicking on the beam she illuminated a horrific scene. A man - a half-naked man - was lying on top of Annie and groping her in an inappropriate fashion. Muttering a mix of threats and prayers, Shirley leapt up and bodily pulled the disgusting pervert from Annie and flung him to the ground, raising her flashlight to brain the sorry son-of-a-bee, when he lowered his upheld arms and exclaimed, "Shirley!" Shirley turned the beam onto him to reveal the identity of this monster and gasped when she realised it was Jeff.

"Jeffrey! What in the name of all that is holy do you think you're doing? You ought to be ashamed of yourself! We leave civilisation for two days and you think it's appropriate to jump a girl and give her a squeeze! Well, not on my watch, mister." By this time Alison and Tracey had stirred and gotten out of bed. Gesturing to them Shirley continued, "You two, grab him and follow me. Clearly we can't be too careful out here." With that she grabbed her handbag and stormed out of the tent.

"I wasn't - " Jeff started to protest as the two women hauled him upright, but he was silenced by a stinging slap from Tracey.

"Shut it, Winger. Save it for the jury."

Bewildered, Jeff turned to look at Annie, who look as confused as he felt, and was currently massaging her boobs where Jeff's hands had landed. She didn't look up however, and Jeff was forced to turn back when Alison gripped his wrist and wrenched it up behind his back, causing him to gasp at the discomfort. Under the stern glares of his two enforcers Jeff was frog-marched from the tent. With a sinking feeling Jeff saw that Shirley was waiting by the open door to the bedding storage shed. As he approached he tried to protest his innocence but his words died on his lips under Shirley's 8000 kilowatt glare and stern "Uh-uh!"

Jeff tried again to talk to Shirley as she bade him sit with his back to the racks. "Shirley! It wasn't what it looked like, I swear! And - ouch! What the? Handcuffs?" Jeff looked up at Shirley incredulously as she straightened from cuffing him to the shelves. "Why do you have handcuffs?"

"For restraining sexual predators like you! Not for the first time either. Should never have taken them off last year. Maybe you'd have more self-control if you were still attached to your chair."

"You've been carrying them around all year? How did we miss that in the pen incident? Shirley, please, I'm not a pervert. I was just - "

"Just what? I know what I saw Jeffrey, and there is nothing that will make me unsee that. And to think I was worried about Starburns..." With that Shirley left the shed and once again Jeff was left in darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to come to a head.

Dawn broke in the male camp with an anguished scream. Shuffling from their beds the men emerged to see Chang kneeling in front of the empty storage shed, clutching the ropes that had previously bound Jeff. Pierce stood behind him, looking thoughtful, Brad and Chad flanking him. Abed stood far back enough to easily frame the shot.

"Noooooooooooo! This can't be happening! How did he escape? We have to find him. Everyone form up. We are going to find Winger, and then we are going to... I dunno. I haven't thought that far ahead. But he'll know about it when I decide what it is."

"Pierce, why was Jeff locked up?" asked Troy, the stare he was giving Pierce fallingl just short of challenging. The majority of the group murmured in agreement. Pierce muttered something before Chang stepped in.

"Jeff couldn't accept Pierce as leader of the tribe. He challenged Pierce last night and wouldn't back down. We had no choice but to restrain him. He also claimed that he could call on an army of supporters to ensure he got what he wanted. Did he ask any of you to be in Winger's Army? Did you realise that his end game was the destruction of our society? This community we've built? Winger got greedy. We acted in the best interest of the group. And now we should find him. For the group. And also because Pierce made me Quartermaster and there won't be any food until Winger is back at this camp." Chang held up the padlock key triumphantly.

This last sentence was greeted with a groan of dismay but soon enough a search party had formed.

"Ok men, no rest until Winger is ours!"

-JASPTAB-

On the other side of the island a hasty conference was being held. Annie was uncomfortably at the centre of the discussion, which was conflicting greatly with her attempts to be objective in the group.

"Guys, I can't help you decide what to do with Jeff. I'm not really part of this group. I'm like one of those journalists in Africa."

"But Annie, you're the victim in all this. You say the word and we'll castrate that boy." said Shirley, her voice changing for sugary sweet to iron mid sentence. Behind her a number of the girls nodded grimly, especially Alison, Tracey and the rest of Britta's start of year fan club.

"Look, I know what it looked like, and felt like, but maybe we should hear Jeff's side of the story? And then we can decide whether to castrate him or not."

"Well, if that's what you want... Alison, Tracey, come with me."

-JASPTAB-

Jeff looked up wearily as the door opened and squinted against the bright sunlight that flooded in behind Alison and Tracey. Alison glared at him but released one of the cuffs, allowing him to move freely for the first time in hours. He stretched his arms stiffly but it was short lived as Alison reapplied the cuff, although this time with his hands in front. The two girls then hauled him to his feet. He gasped as blood returned to his numb buttocks and legs, nearly falling back down before his two guards grabbed him firmly. With the two women gripping him securely under the arms, Jeff staggered out into the sunlight to see Shirley frowning at him. Without saying anything she marched in the direction of the campfire, where the rest of the girls sat on the circle of logs. Jeff was escorted to a tree stump apart from the other seats and allowed to sit.

Looking around the group Jeff was aware of a lot of hostile glares directed at him. It reminded him a lot of the first day of the year. Scanning quickly his gaze came to rest on Annie. She was looking at him with big, questioning eyes. He raised his eyebrows at her and gave the tiniest shake of his head. Her eyes widened and she raised her eyebrows in acknowledgement. Looking back to Shirley he saw she was glowering at him as she stood to address the group.

"As most of you know, we're here to establish the events of last night, which resulted in Jeff Winger apparently molesting -"

"Objection!" Jeff cut in automatically. Shirley ramped up her glare.

"In Jeffrey Winger straddling - "

"Objection!"

"Hmmph! With Jeffrey _reposing_ on top of Annie." Shirley finished. "Jeffrey, do you wish to defend yourself?"

"I do."

"In that case, would you please explain how you came to be half naked on top of Annie in the middle of the night."

"I would, but I would like to do so in front of your Chief. Where's Britta?"

"Britta has momentarily - abstained - from her duties. Should she return I will defer to her judgement, but until then I am deputising in her place."

"Oh," was all Jeff was able to respond before a commotion broke out on the edge of the clearing. As the girls all turned to look Abed walked into the camp with his camera, took a sweeping panorama and then turned to focus his lens on the spot from where he had just emerged. The shrubs parted to reveal Pierce, Chang, the douches and the rest of the men.

Pierce and Chang marched up to the group of women, Abed circling to ensure he kept the action in shot at all times.

"Who's in charge here?" demanded Pierce. Shirley approached him, her gaze hard.

"What do you want, barging into our camp? We're conducting an enquiry."

Chang answered. "We demand the extradition of one Jeffrey Winger for crimes against our society."

"Well you can have him after he's paid for crimes against _our_ society," huffed Shirley

"I don't like where this is going..." muttered Jeff under his breath as Shirley faced up against Pierce and Chang. Looking around Jeff realised that all parties were focussed on the escalating argument between Shirley, Pierce and Troy. Slowly he stood up, moving cautiously. He was relieved to find that his legs would now support him - that was going to be crucial. As he glimpsed around one last time he caught just one gaze - Annie. He opened his mouth slightly and widened his eyes at her pleadingly. She held his gaze briefly before giving an almost imperceptible nod and looking away. Blinking with relief Jeff took the opportunity and bolted. It took a couple of seconds but then there was an outburst as both parties realised their prisoner had made a break for freedom.

Jeff sprinted as fast as he could for the treeline and broke through the foliage seconds later. He gasped as branches slapped and scratched at his bare torso but didn't slow, knowing that this was his one chance to elude captivity. Behind him he heard the sounds of the first pursuers breaking the treeline. Breathing hard Jeff pushed deeper into the woodland. He had no plan other than to get away from the two groups of crazy people who had each independently locked him up in a shed. Lungs burning he ran, but was unable to lose the sound of his pursuers. Suddenly he tripped, falling heavily, only just able to push his bound hands in front of him and save his face from a tree root. He gasped, a stitch straining in his side, then started as a pair of hands dragged him upright.

"Shhhh!" said a voice. He turned to see Britta struggling to haul him to his feet. As he staggered to his feet she beckoned him away from the sounds of the pursuing parties. He followed her, pumping his legs as she led him to a dense thicket. Beckoning she disappeared inside. Jeff followed her blindly, ignoring the scratches from the grabbing branches as he struggled to draw air into his lungs. Suddenly Britta appeared in front of him and shoved him forcefully into a small hollow under a tree root before throwing herself in beside him. As he turned to her she grabbed his chin in her hand, clamping his mouth shut and putting her other finger to her lips. He nodded and turned to listen as the sounds of his pursuers crashed all around them, though never getting nearer. Finally able to start drawing steady breaths, Jeff shut his eyes in relief as the sounds started to recede and leant his head into Britta's leather clad shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are resolved. Mostly.

Following Jeff's escape, argument had immediately broken out between the two tribes over who was to blame and also who should have jurisdiction over him when he was recaptured. Shirley was toe to toe with Chang and Pierce as the first of the hunters started to return from the woods. They stopped arguing to listen to reports of Jeff's apparent disappearance.

"We have to find him!" exclaimed Chang and Shirley simultaneously, "No, _we_ have to find him". They glared at each other before Alison cut in.

"Why don't we team up to find Winger? We're just gonna get in each other's ways. We might as well halve the work."

"But that doesn't solve what we do with him when we find him," Shirley pointed out.

"We'll just think of a punishment that fits the crime. It's irrelevant while he's on the loose anyhow," reasoned Alison.

Shirley and Chang nodded in agreement, before beckoning the tribes to follow them back into the woods. Pierce followed belatedly, looking bewildered that he had been ignored during the exchange.

Annie and Troy remained behind, glancing at each other. Abed loitered beside them in order to get the footage of the tribes disappearing into the foliage.

"What are we going to do?" asked Annie. "Jeff is being hunted like a dog! I don't even think he's done anything to deserve it this time!"

"We've got to help him somehow. Abed - can you distract them?"

"Sorry Troy. My role is to observe. I can neither affect nor be affected the actions of the tribe." With that he ran after the retreating figures, camera held high.

"Great! So it's the two of us against the whole class. I guess we should follow and hope we find Jeff before they do..."

-JASPTAB-

Jeff and Britta stayed in the hollow until they were sure that there were no pursuers in the vicinity. Jeff took advantage of the break to explain to Britta how he came to be half naked, muddy, scratched and handcuffed in the middle of the forest.

"...and then you found me, thank God! I wouldn't be surprised if there's a sharpened stake ready for my head back at the camp."

"You know, in most circumstances I would think that finding you like this was incredibly hot, and also hilarious. But the whole Lord of the Flies crazy people thing is kind of a buzz kill. If only I had my pen knife I could get you out of those cuffs, but it's in my bag at the campsite."

"Sure MacGyver. And why is it that you weren't at the campsite last night? I tried to find you before I fell on Annie's Boobs. Not the monkey. If you'd been there I wouldn't have spent the second half of the night cuffed to shelving racks. Spill it."

"I - I was looking for - wait! What's that?"

"An excuse to change the subject? Nice try - " but Jeff was cut off again as Britta slapped her hand over his mouth and strained her ears to catch the unmistakable sound of people moving towards them.

"We have to move - they'll figure out we're here eventually. We should to get back across the island. Maybe we can hide with the Dean," Britta whispered.

"Are you kidding? I can't let the Dean see me like this! He'll never be able to control himself, and I can only hold him off for so long," Jeff argued, holding up his manacled hands to prove his point.

"Well if you have a better idea - one that doesn't involve you spending the next two days tied upi n a shed - I'd love to hear it. Come on."

With that she grabbed his hands and pulled him away from the sounds of approaching feet. Moving stealthily now they were able to keep ahead of the sounds of the hunters. Sneaking from tree to tree and taking turns to stop behind and listen for sounds of pursuit they pressed further ahead. Britta, having been in the woods for a while, was particularly adept at gauging where their pursuers were in relation to them and would stand stock still before hurrying to catch Jeff and point him in the best direction. Jeff would then push ahead, looking for the best route while Britta again stopped to listen.

As Britta paused again Jeff pushed through a denser patch of foliage only for his heart to drop as a slow clap erupted from the foliage in front of him. He tried to turn back but Brad and Chad emerged from his flanks and pushed him roughly back against the trunk of a tree. The clapping grew in volume as Ben Chang emerged from the greenery in front of him. Shirley and Alison stepped out behind him, and soon Jeff was surrounded by the majority of the anthropology class.

"Buenos dias, Winger," said Chang.

"Chang, Shirley. Any chance we can clear this thing up? Does the phrase innocent until proven guilty mean nothing to you guys?"

"Duncan stated only one rule, Winger. The eldest member of the tribe is the Chief."

"And that would be Britta and Pierce," pointed out Jeff.

Pierce shouldered his way through the throng of students. "I _am_ Chief!"

"Sure looks like it," said Jeff sarcastically. "Look Pierce, I know we don't often see eye to eye, but you have to realise that Chang is playing you against me..."

"Up to your old tricks again Winger," Chang cut in quickly. "It's gonna take more than an inspirational speech to get yourself out of this little predicament. From what I hear you assaulted Annie last night. Even if the treachery charges are dropped, you still got a lot of explaining to do to the girls."

"Women," snapped Britta, appearing from where Jeff had forced a hole through the shrubbery. "And as the Chief I insist that Jeff has a fair trial to ascertain his alleged guilt."

"Britta, sweetie! Thank goodness you're alright!" cooed Shirley before her voice deepened and hardened, "But you've been away for a long time. And you didn't see what went on last night. I don't think you're best qualified to judge the situation."

"You're questioning the one rule of our society?"

"Well you ran off and left us to fend for ourselves. I'm not sure that doesn't disqualify you..."

"What! That doesn't work! What if Chang decided he was in charge of the men's camp?"

"Well, I kind of am. I have the key to the supplies, I have the enforcers," he gestured Brad and Chad, "and I have the balls to pull it off. Anyone have an issue with that?"

"I think you Britta'd that," Pierce whispered to Britta. "Now I've _actually_ been usurped. Thanks a lot, Brittles."

At that moment Annie and Troy burst into the clearing. "Wait! I don't want to press charges!" Annie panted.

"Annie, we already decided you weren't pressing charges. You're like one of those journalists in Africa, remember? The tribe is going to ascertain Jeff's guilt and get justice on your behalf," pointed out Alison in a reasonable tone.

"Oh. Well - wait! Is that a ruse?" Annie suddenly shrieked, pointing behind the group. Dutifully the class turned to look, at which point Annie and Troy charged Brad and Chad, shouldering them off Jeff before dragging him into the woods. Britta and Pierce quickly followed as the two tribes realised they had been duped and set off in pursuit.

The five study group members raced ahead of the pack of angry students. Fear spurred them on to greater speeds than those they would have usually been capable of and the distance between them and their pursuers gradually increased. As one they made a beeline for the centre of the island.

-JASPTAB-

Duncan and the Dean were sunbathing in front of their cabin, each with a beverage in hand. Their discussion had turned to the class and what the two tribes might be up to. They were interrupted by the sound of distant shouting, which became increasingly loud.

"What in the..." The Dean broke off as five figures burst into the wide clearing. Both he and Duncan squinted to make out who was rapidly approaching. "Arrrrrghh-gurh" was all the Dean could muster as he made out the bare-chested, mud smeared form of Jeff Winger charging towards him.

"You have to help us!" gasped Troy as he ran past the two men and into the cabin, followed by Jeff, Britta, Annie and lastly Pierce.

Duncan hauled the now limp Dean out of his chair and into the cabin, only to turn as Britta slammed and bolted the door behind them.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" demanded Duncan, depositing the flaccid Dean on the couch.

"Long story short, there's been a sort of hilarious Lord of the Flies-slash-Lost mix-up and now everyone is hunting Jeff," explained Troy.

"Huh? Neither of those were hilarious. Unless you're talking about the acting."

"Short story longer, you have to stop our classmates from exacting vengeance on Jeff for made up crimes against society," Annie interjected, before the merits of Lost versus Lord of the Flies became the theme of debate.

"What? Vengeance? What is it with you lot? Why can't you just play nice and get on with the rest of the school?"

"Look, Chang went mad and overthrew Pierce, Shirley has usurped Britta and both of them want to castrate me or worse. You and the Dean need to stop this - you're supposed to be in charge here, and I'm seriously invested in the well-being of my balls!" Jeff said desperately.

"Jeff, I'm not sure this is the appropriate time to be coming out..." Pierce murmured. At that moment a rising crescendo of shouting and then pounding on the door broke up any further discussion. Chang's voice sounded from the other side of the wood.

"Winger! We know you're in there. Surrender yourself peacefully and we'll let everyone else go."

Everyone turned to look at Jeff, who shrugged helplessly. "Is there a back way out of here?" he asked Duncan, who shook his head in response. "Damn!"

At the moment the Dean chose to revive himself from his torpor. He rose and walked up to Jeff, gently placing his hand on Jeff's bare torso, which caused him to shudder lightly. Jeff stared down into his bespectacled eyes.

"I won't let them take you, Jeffrey," he said simply, before he turned to the door, his hand sliding over Jeff's chest. He unbolted the door and stepped through to confront the crowd. The door swung closed behind him and prevented the group from hearing what he had to say to the angry horde outside. All that could be heard were the high pitch tones of the Dean's voice, then an angry snarl from Chang, a murmur of dissent, a thud and the door reopened, admitting a very dishevelled looking Dean.

"Well, that didn't wash. Apparently the new society doesn't recognise my authority. I'm sorry Jeffrey," the Dean wailed this last part as he threw himself on Jeff, openly sobbing. His arms pinned by the Dean's embrace, Jeff gestured with his head to Troy to help him remove the weeping administrator. Troy gently pulled the Dean back to the couch where the little man continued to sniffle.

Jeff sighed, and looked around the small cabin, a hard light in his eyes. Meeting his gaze, Britta started forward. "Jeff, you don't have to..."

"I do. We all know Chang is crazy. There's no way out of this. At least if I go out there you guys will be spared whatever insanity he's dreaming up."

"Jeff, no!" Annie gasped, but Jeff merely smiled at her, nodded to the others and glanced back at Britta before turning back to the door and exiting the hut.

-JASPTAB-

Shirley waddled into the clearing to see the class gathered around Duncan's and the Dean's cabin. She'd sent the girls ahead in pursuit of the others, knowing that in her heavily pregnant state she'd never keep up with the pursuit. During her slow, purposeful march through the woods she'd had time to reflect on the bizarre situation she found herself in. Here she was, pursuing a number of her closest friends in a manhunt on an island, allied to Chang - of all people. Something had gone seriously wrong. With time to finally think about the events of the previous night, Shirley recognised that she may have been quick to judge Jeff, although the scene she had been confronted with didn't look good from where she had been. Still, she resolved she would at least give Jeff the opportunity to explain himself.

As she approached the crowd Shirley saw Jeff appear in the doorway of the cabin, arms still bound in front of him. Shirley shoved her way through to the front as Jeff addressed the class.

"Look, this has become insane. You people have just threatened the Dean of our Community College, a man whose only crime is questionable use of school resources. And misappropriate monitoring of students. And borderline sexual harassment. But that's not the point! The point is that Craig Pelton, a respected - erm. A renowned per- _ahem_. A dedicated... administrator, came out here to ask you to show decency and you chose instead to show aggression against him. The man that brought you the puppy parade. And five dances. And a free ice cream machine in the cafeteria." Jeff glanced around at the glares of his classmates, and noted that most of them had softened.

"You threatened innocent people to get me to turn myself in. For crimes against your society? Well if that's how your society works, then I'm glad to be on the other side. And if it means you'll leave my friends out of this, then take me. Do what you will. You want to lock me in a shed without a trial? Let's do it. I'd rather be locked away from you people than living amongst you. Look at yourselves. What you've become. You can be more than this. We all can."

The class had the grace to look embarrassed, sheepishly scuffing their feet and looking at the ground. Until Brad stepped forward and grabbed Jeff by the neck as Chad sunk his fist into Jeff's stomach. Jeff crumpled to his knees to the sound of Chang's slow clap. The class gasped open-mouthed as Shirley cried "Jeffrey!" and ran to help. At the same moment the cabin door - which, unnoticed by all, had been held slightly ajar since Jeff's exit - slammed back as Britta, Annie, Troy, Pierce and the Dean all ran out to form a protective circle around Jeff. Finally Duncan sidled out and took a position at the front of the class.

"Right! Very good! I see you've all gotten into the spirit of this field trip. Well done! And - ah, Abed, I see you've taken notes for everyone with your camera. Excellent. So. I think we can safely say we've all learned a lot from this trip. Miss Edison, I see you've proved brilliantly how difficult it can be to remain emotionally uninvolved. And you all can clearly see how any society needs laws and regulation to work. Right. Oh, and Student Chang appears to have provided the tipping point required to invoke a crowd reaction. Mob mentality. Treachery. Scapegoats. Lynchings. We've done the lot. So successful case study, all in all. I think on that note I can safely say you've all passed. I'll call the bus driver and we can return to Greendale today. Well done. Go and pack your stuff. Field trip over. Shoo shoo."

Duncan slumped with relief as the mob dispersed, apparently appeased with their passing grades. Only the circle of people around Jeff remained - and Abed, still filming on his camera. Jeff was leaning back against the Dean, who was supporting his wheezing torso with a rapturous grin on his face. "Nicely diffused," he croaked to Duncan before closing his eyes and lolling back slightly, much to the Dean's apparent delight. The remainder of the study group grinned at each other, all fairly exhausted from their high octane pursuit through the woods. Only Shirley and Abed stood apart.

Shirley walked up to Jeff, who opened his eyes as he sensed her shadow loom over him. "Shirley, I didn't..."

"I know Jeff. I'm sorry. I should have given you the chance to explain from the start. I know I got carried away with the whole chief thing. Britta, you would have done the right thing. I'm sorry to you too."

"Oh no. If _I'd_ have caught Jeff groping Annie I would have ripped his balls of there and then!" Britta said, in what Shirley assumed was a jokey way. Jeff looked less sure though, paling a little around the gills as he apparently zoned out a little. Shaking his head he turned back to Shirley.

"I forgive you. Hey! Passing grade, right? Though it was a lot more effort than I'm usually willing to expend."

"Jeff! You were so brave!"squeaked Annie, grabbing his hands before realising they were still cuffed. For his part Jeff pulled his hands away from Annie's, glancing nervously at Britta. Annie didn't notice as she turned to ask Shirley for the cuff key, but to no avail. It was still with Alison, who had returned to the camp for her stuff.

"No biggie!" said Britta, "Annie, give me a bobby pin." Annie obliged. Britta bent the pin and inserted it into the keyhole, gave it a jiggle and - snap! The head of the pin broke off, jamming in the hole.

"Britta!" yelled Jeff, "Stop trying to help! Now I'm going to have to get someone to cut me out of these stupid cuffs!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So technically the end, but read on for the episode tag >>>


	7. Tag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last thing.

Jeff slept deeply on the bus, still bare chested, still cuffed. Apparently Alison had had the key when she went into the woods, but when she was asked for it back at the camp couldn't find it anywhere on her person. Jeff was on the back seat, sandwiched between Annie and Britta, head lolled onto Annie's shoulders. As he slept Britta fashioned another pick from Annie's last bobby pin and stealthily inserted it into the other keyhole of Jeff's cuffs.

"Britta, are you sure you should be trying this?" whispered Annie, as Britta jiggled the pin in the lock.

"Trust me, I've done this before. Besides, we still have a six hour journey back. We're gonna have to stop somewhere in that time - it will be hard to explain why we have a semi-naked handcuffed man in our midst at Denny's."

Annie shrugged and let Britta get on with it. Either way Jeff was going to have to have someone cut him free, so if Britta could free at least one hand it would definitely be an improvement.

"Aha!" breathed Britta as Annie heard a faint click. Britta triumphantly loosed the cuff from Jeff's wrist, perhaps too zealously, as the bobby pin snapped again, the end of it pinging into Britta's eye. "Ugh!" gasped Britta, flailing and catching the sleeping Jeff in the face with her arm.

Jeff jolted awake and threw his hands up to his face, where Britta's arm was still flapping wildly. As he thrust his arms up the loose cuff encircled Britta's wrist and closed with an ominous ratcheting sound. Both Jeff and Britta instinctively pulled their arm away from the other, only to both have their hands jerk to a stop in the cuffs and each slap themselves in the face. Jeff stared in horror at the cuff on his right wrist. He allowed his gaze to follow the chain to the other bracelet, closed around Britta's left wrist. Out of the keyhole he noticed the broken head of a bobby pin glinting wickedly at him.

"Britta!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. Thanks for reading.


End file.
